she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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