my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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