based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
