I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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