you guys were way drunker than both of me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
