i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
