Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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