That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so let's talk penis.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
