Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
