I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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