Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
