I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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