I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
