Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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