I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
