thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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