hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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