Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
