So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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