I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
