After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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