i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
