id be glad to
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
