can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
