Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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