we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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