party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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