he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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