I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have already put on my inside pants.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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