youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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