Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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