i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
