i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
