u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
