So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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