They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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