apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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