I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
