mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The adults are the big ones right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
