My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
