Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
