Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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