He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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