maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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