Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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