i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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