I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
