the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
