Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
