He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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