They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
