Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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